Monday, January 4, 2010

So first off

Not a single post and I'd already changed the name of my blog. After all - the point is to learn to love a life that doesn't seem to have a point, yes?
However, I've decided to keep the agonyandentropy addy because:
1. It's easier -and-
2. It's a reminder of the mindset I'm trying to leave behind.

The goals?
To learn to work around what I don't do well and emphasize what I do - and find a way to make a living and a life at that in the process.
Like accepting that I'm never going to *stay* organized or enjoy finishing a project or exercising but finding a way to make the fact that I enjoy the organizational process and creating new projects and the way the body moves and works all work for me.
Also to accept who I am while at the same time improving what I can. I do not have a decent grasp of money. I will always double book. But with the help of certain tools and methods and *people* - I can do better. My iphone keeps me from double booking (when I remember to enter my info), Bran gently reminds me I may not need something I'm about to buy, and my friends can laugh with me when I screw up yet another appointment.

So why make this public? Why not just scratch it all out in a journal where no one but me sees my struggles and my weakness? Because I need help. I've done some reading recently that's made me realize I really can't do this alone. I always thought that to be strong, I had to deal with everything by myself - be a big ol Hero in my own head. After all, we're all the hero in our own stories. What I never considered though was Buffy Summers has her scooby gang, Malcolm Reynolds has the big damn heroes, Hugh Heffner has the playboy bunnies... you get the idea. And while in the end we're all alone in our decisions, it's all those trusted voices that can help us get there. So I need my equivalent. And as I learn, I hope I can also become a better Scooby/BDH/bunny to *your* Buffy/Mal/Hef. And to do all that I need to find my strengths, learn to work around my weaknesses and not beat the living snot out of myself while I do it.

Well, and if I could lose 50 lbs too, that'd be bitchin.

One step at a time...


  1. ^5 baby, I'm here with you. Go go go! (I can't decide if I want to be a bunny or Zoe...)

  2. I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes! :)

  3. I'm totally down for the "laugh at you when you screw up..." part. Maybe I'll make an iPhone app for you that is my laughter and picture of me pointing at you. You can use it whenever you feel the need. Ahhhh. It feels good to help others.